Back To The Start
by zydrateaddiction
Summary: Sam and Dean have quit hunting after the gates of Hell have finally been sealed. A year goes by, when Sam decides to go off to college once more. Dean is living with Cas, but still struggles to deal with the void of Sammy being gone.
1. Chapter 1

_November 1st, 2014._  
It was an emotional goodbye.  
Dean however, kept a straight and narrow face as he helped Sam load his bags into his trunk.  
"I still can't believe you're doing it, Sammy. Giving the old college thing another shot." Sam chuckled under his breath,  
"Yeah, I guess I can't really believe it either."  
It had been nearly a year since their last hunt together. Sam hadn't seen much need to stay around long after that.  
The brothers had defeated Abaddon, and after a grim sacrifice from Kevin, who unbenounced to the Winchesters had completed  
the trials behind their back, and sealed the gates to Hell forever.  
Ever since that day, they simply drifted apart. It had taken long for both of them to come to terms with the fact, that perhaps,  
Hunting was the one thing that brought them together, the one thing that could bond over, but with that gone, alas that bond was broken. With that bond lost, Sam decided to move back to California, and attend Stanford once and for all, and Dean found himself a home that took him back to his roots, back in Lawrenceville, Kansas. He lived there with Cas, where the two of them had made  
a new, and somewhat quiet life for themselves. Cas had adjusted to being human. He found it easier with Dean there by his side every step of the way, guiding him.  
Sam and Dean both, had moved on, and made well-rounded lives for themselves. But none of that could take away  
that Sam was leaving. Dean was losing his baby brother. Maybe not forever, but that didn't matter to Dean. All he could focus on was  
the fact that Sammy was leaving, and that was all that mattered.  
Dean waited by the car as he watched Sam walk out the front door, carrying what appeared the be the last of his belongings.  
Sam tossed the last of his bags into the back of the already crammed car. "I guess this is it." Sam said as he closed the door shut.  
"I guess it is… You take care up there, alright?" Dean replied with noticeable sorrow in his eyes. Dean grabbed Sam and pulled him in for a hug.  
It had been a while since they had said goodbye like this. "Ya know, I almost wish Cas could've been here. I think I'm gonna miss that guy."  
Sam said as he pulled away. "That poor bastard couldn't get out of working today, I'm sure he would've wanted to be here if he could." Dean replied.  
Sam walked around his car, making his way to the driver's door, reaching out for the door handle he heard dean from across the car "Take it easy, bitch"  
he heard Dean say in a joking tone. Sam looked at the grown and shook his head, letting out a smile, "Alright, jerk". He got in his car, and began his drive to the airport.  
He was gone, and that fact had finally hit Dean. His little brother no longer needed him and was off to live his life without him.  
Dean carried himself back inside, making his way to the living room. He sat on his couch, propping his feet up in the coffee table in front of him.  
He let out a sigh. However, not a sigh of grief. Dean had almost felt selfish to a point. Realizing that he should've been happy for Sam all along.  
He knew he was loosing his brother, and would go long periods of time without seeing him, or maybe even just talking to him. But deep down, he  
knew that leaving was what Sam had wanted. It was what he wanted all along. Dean began to feel guilty, and to think that perhaps it was his fault  
that Sam had been unhappy all these years, and that he was the one that kept him from following his dream, and living his life the way he wanted to.  
"If only I had just searched for Dad myself. I could've spared us both all of this. All of this shit that happened in the past decade." Dean thought to himself.  
And it was thoughts like this that flooded Dean's mind for the hours that followed until Cas arrived home from work.  
Dean heard Cas walk in, yet he remained still, in the same place he had been in for hours.  
"Are you okay? I presume today was rather difficult for you." Cas said, as he undid his vest, and placed in neatly on the arm of the couch.  
"Is it selfish to wish he didn't leave?" Dean asked. Cas sat down next to him, placing his arm around his shoulder. "Of course not, Dean. These feelings are normal." Cas said in an attempt to console Dean.  
"I just can't help but think it's all my fault, ya know? Why did I have to call him all those years ago? If this was what he wanted to do then why did I  
go and ruin that for him? I don't even think it was to find Dad anymore. I think it was just for myself. But all I did was delay the inevitable." Dean said as he stood up from his couching, nearly pacing around the room at this point. "You did what you thought was best. That's all that matters. And look at how many people you saved. Look at all the good you've done since you went and got him that night. You saved thousands of lives, you stopped the apocalypse, you closed the gates of Hell… You found me." Dean froze in his spot at hearing Cas say those words. It had never dawned on him that regardless of how selfish he thought he may have been, he had saved lives, he had saved the world, and among all those things, he found Cas. And perhaps that was the one thing to triumph the rest.


	2. Chapter 2

It had never fully occurred to dean, just how empty his life might've been if all the events from the past ten years had never happened. Of course, there was loss, and sorrow, and often unbearable pain. But of all these things, none were as life changing as the moment he laid his eyes upon Cas. It was a rush of fear, excitement, curiosity, and all of these mixed emotions upon seeing this creature. But above all these emotions, love eventually took had been years on end, before either of them had the courage to admit how they had felt. Dean would look at Cas when he wasn't looking and give him a crooked smile. A crooked smile he was too shy to show when Cas was actually looking his way.  
Cas in a way was more comfortable with the situation. He wasn't as shy as dean. He would often find himself gazing at Dean at the most fortuitous of moments. He could sit for hours, in complete awe just staring, and analyzing every inch of Dean. But no matter how many hours he could sit and admire him, he could never bring himself to say how he felt. Perhaps it was because he couldn't put into words how he felt.  
It wasn't until after Sam and Dean had finished hunting that either of them had built up the nerve to admit to anything.  
It was a normal night. Nothing out of the ordinary. Sam was asleep at home, and Dean was on his way to pick up Cas from working the night shift at the local Gas'n'Gulp. Cas was just finishing up closing, when he heard a familiar muffled sound of an Ac-Dc song playing in the distance. The sound grew louder, and before he could glance out the window, the sound stopped and Dean was parked in front of the store. He began to get out of the car but Cas was already out the door, and making his way toward the passenger side. Cas appeared tired from a long day at work. Dean noticed how exhausted he was and couldn't help but find it somewhat adorable that poor Cas could hardly keep his eyes open. They drove and drove and not much time seemed to have gone by, when Dean, like a shy high school boy, reached to the passengers seat, grabbing Cas's hand. The sudden grasp sent shocks through Cas. He wasn't sure what was going on, or why Dean had acted so sudden. But he didn't question it. He sat there in silence, and grabbed Dean's hand in return. He clutched onto his hand. A small, yet meaningful gesture. A gesture he had thought of so many times, but had never performed in fear of it not being returned. But this time Dean reassured the feelings were mutual. In that one small moment, driving in the impala, holding the hands of one another. They felt that all feelings had been shared, without even saying a single word. It was as if they knew all along what the other was thinking. Cas then felt the car stop. He worried that Dean stopped in the middle of the road but they were merely at a stop sign. Either way, it hadn't mattered. There wasn't another car in sight for miles.  
Dean remained stopped for some time now, when he glanced over at Cas, who was still in shock at the moment. Cas was on the verge of muttering out words, he wasn't sure just what to say, but anything just to break the silence that seemed as if it went on forever. But before he could even make out a single word, Dean lunged him self across the car to Cas's seat, embracing his face and kissing him. Cas couldn't believe the moment had finally happened. His heart was racing, his mind couldn't stop thinking about everything he had always wanted and how it was finally happening so unexpectedly. Some how in the midst of his kiss Cas was finally able to calm himself down, and stop thinking as much about matters that were almost irrelevant. He kissed him back. Grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him closer as if he needed to continue the kiss simply as much as he needed to breathe. He felt Dean's lips press harder against his. Yet somehow no matter how hard Dean pressed all Cas could focus on was the softness, the gentleness of his kiss. That moment could've gone on forever and neither of them would have minded. Years of longing had built up to this moment and neither of them wanted it to end.  
Dean then pulled away, ended the kiss, but only to go back for another. This time, only a small peck. Cas blushed, hoping that Dean wouldn't notice, but indeed Dean did. He let out a chuckle, and assumed his position back in the drivers seat. They continued home that night knowing that things would never be the same. They would be better.


	3. Chapter 3

Dean laid awake thinking about all Cas had said, and how much he had truly meant to him.  
However, not even the greatest of memories of Cas, and how deeply he cared about him could take away the one thing weighing on Dean's mind. Sam.  
Dean tossed and turned in bed, glancing over at the clock on his night stand several times with what seemed like hours in between each glance, was only minutes. He tried to calculate where Sammy might be at that time. Where his plane might be over. Or maybe he had he already arrived in California? Dean remembered Sam telling him how long the flight was days ago, but he couldn't bring himself to remember just how many hours it was.  
3:04am. He glanced at the clock again and the time struck 3:04am. "I have got to be getting some sleep soon" Dean thought to himself. But no matter how hard he tried, his restless night continued, and he tossed and turned.  
Eventually, the tossing and turning awoke Cas. "What's wrong?" Cas asked, as he reached his arm around Deans waist. "You look like you haven't slept a lick." "I haven't." Dean replied. "I just... It's Sammy. I can't believe he's gone." Cas looked at him with concern "You say that as if he was sentenced to death. He's off doing what he's wanted to do. He's at Stanford. You should be happy for him." Dean began to sigh but then stopped him self and chuckled almost. "I guess you're right. I always talk about wanting Sammy to be happy, I just didn't think it'd be this hard once he was." Dean propped himself up, slinging his legs off the side of the bed. "I... I just need to get some air. Maybe take my mind off things some." Dean looked at Cas, waiting for his reply, almost as if he was waiting for Cas to console him and tell him to come back to bed. Cas just looked at him and nodded his head "It's late, so be careful. But maybe going for a drive might help you clear your head."  
Dean kissed Cas, then got out of bed. Grabbing his clothes in a hurry, and throwing on a coat he shuffled the room to find his keys. He noticed him sitting on the end of the dresser. Dean grabbed the keys and took off.  
It was cold out. Near 45 degrees. Dean liked the cold though and he drove fast with the windows down on what appeared to be an abandon high way.  
At nearly 3:30am no one else in their right mind would be out. But Dean preferred it that way. He drove and drove for what seemed like hours, until finally making a u-turn and deciding to turn around. Maybe it was the long drive, or the brisk fall air, but Dean was relaxed. Sam was still on his mind but somehow Dean just felt better. Driving around in his Impala just had that affect on him. He began his drive home. The drive out seemed to have gone on forever but the drive home seemed to have gone by in a matter of minutes. He looked at his watch just before pulling into the driveway. 3:56am. "I could've sworn I had been gone longer than that." He thought to himself.  
He parked the Impala and turn of the ignition. Out of the car and making his way inside. Now with his mind clear the only thing consuming his thoughts was getting back to Cas in bed. In that moment, nothing sounded better than that. He took off his jacket, tossing it and his keys in unison onto the couch. He suddenly began to feel exhausted. He couldn't make his way to the bed soon enough. He walked through the hallway, nearly shuffling his feet trying to make it to the bed. At last he made it to his bedroom, practically throwing himself onto the bed. Laying down he noticed Cas, not beside him. "Maybe he just got up to go to the bathroom" he thought. Dean paid no mind to Cas's absence and presumed he would return soon.  
Dean turned over to his back, his eyes closed, assuming a more comfortable position. He laid there in silence for a few minutes.  
_  
Drop.  
_Dean twitched his face. Feeling something on his forehead, but unsure of what it was. He tried to brush it off but couldn't.  
_Drop Drop_  
This time something stronger, and more of a nuisance. Dean couldn't possibly sleep or keep his eyes closed.  
Dean felt one last drop on his forehead before opening his eyes. Jolting forward and looking up Dean screamed "NO!" but before he could finish that one simple word, it was too late.  
The ceiling.  
Engulfed in flames.


End file.
